𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐃𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐦𝐦𝐚

Work-life balance. Sure, dads don’t have to play the role of breadwinner anymore, but many dads (and mums) still have to put in the hours to make ends meet.

“There is a point in life where…you've got to decide, okay, the harder I work, the more work I will generate. So you have to actually get a balance there because when you do that, yeah, you can keep going and going and going, going, but other things have to fall off. So it's your choice. It's no one else's choice. No one is making you do it. No one's got a gun to your head. You choose what you want to do. Do you want to be present for your children, for your partner? So are those things the most important thing to you, or is your career the most important thing to you?”

Simon von Saldern, CEO Healthy Male, Ep 2 of the Dads Group Podcast

All new dads have to make a decision when they have a baby: what are you going to do about your work situation? More options exist now for families to balance different work loads. Maybe a flexible schedule is a possibility. Maybe your partner earns more, or wants to go back to work. Maybe there’s a balance of you both working part-time and spending time at home with your child. It’s clear there’s a choice to make, and perhaps some investigating about what’s possible.

Choice is the key word here. As In Simon’s words above, there isn’t a gun being held to your head. Meaning, if you want to be a hands-on, engaged father, there’s a level of proactivity required to make it all fit.

How do you know what’s possible work-wise? There are three conversations every new or expecting dad can have.

1. Talk with your partner. There are some key points to be on the same page about. What’s your financial position and how much income do you both need to generate? How much leave is available to both of you? Does your partner want to be the primary carer or does she want to go back to work? Do you want to spend time at home with your child? This helps you get clear on your priorities and non-negotiables as a couple and family. And if you’re a single parent or in a co-parenting situation, talking with your partner is still important to ensure your child receives the best of your time.

2. Talk with your parents and in-laws. Grandparents are life-savers. Besides taking your kids for a day, they can do daycare drop-offs or pick-ups, take bub for a walk or play, cook meals or help fold laundry. Your parents and in-laws are the first layer of that tribe everyone speaks about.

3. Talk with your manager or HR department. Once you and your partner know what you want your family-work balance to look like, and what additional support you’ll have from the grandparents; you’ll know how much time or flexibility to advocate for. And given many workplaces don’t have arrangements in place for fathers, you’ll likely have to advocate. You can find some great resources to inform your negotiations through the Parents at Work website - https://parentsandcarersatwork.com/resources/.

“And if it's your career well, then that's a conversation you need to be having and sort out, you know, where your priorities are and where you want it. Because in five years time, if that's not where you want to be, guess what? You might actually not be able to go back...​​work still needs to be fulfilling and enjoyable and you need to get something from it. But it shouldn't be at the behest of your family. And if you're in a job where that is the case, I mean, I think the question needs to be asked, is that actually the right job?”

Simon von Saldern, CEO Healthy Male, Ep 2 of the Dads Group Podcast

Having these conversations will help you protect your time together as a family. It will clarify your priorities, helping you to plan for both the short and long term. It will help reduce work-related stress by containing work within a reasonable commitment. And it will reduce stress at home, by allowing you to contribute to chores and duties in the household. 

Ultimately, by maximising your time with your children, you’ll positively contribute to their growth and development.